The Axemen's Y2K Blog

Miley makes a big impression on Axemen

Posted in 2009 happenings, Axemen Fan Fiction, blather, cultural studies, touring, US Tour 2009 by steve mccabe on April 29, 2010

I often wondered if the stories they print on these pages are true or just made up by a bunch of horny youths frustrated at not getting any action – that is, until we went thru Nashville and met ‘the wild one’, Miley Cyrus.

The saga began when we had some time to kill, no idea where Miley lived but knew this was her home town, and were fast running out of gas. We cruised around for a while before parking up in a downtown gas station.

Miley and Bob - quit hustlin me, bitch!

“My turn to clean the car, lads!” Bob yelled enthusiastically, half-leaping, half tumbling out of the car then emphatically throwing off his shirt to expose his gleaming pecs. Steve bristled visibly as Bob manfully grabbed the hose, adjusted his nozzle and let loose with an intense  spurt of sudsy foam.

“Hey shut the door asshole!” yelled Dragan, awoken by the sudden presence of the foamy liquid on his face. “Thank god ..it was… just a… dream!” he said semi-coherently, slamming the door as he regained full consciousness, while smearing the foam over his chest, pausing occasionally to lick his fingers and let out a quiet moan, and humming a few bars of ‘Karma chameleon’ before sinking back into a deep sleep.

“I just got the number for Miley boys!” Stu yelled, swaggering out of the gas station. “I got it right here on my phone! Its made for low light so i can’t actually see it out here, I’ll just nip into the toilet and write it on my hand! Anyone got a pen? i can change it but it says it needs to dowload the latest os updates first and one of my apps still uses system 8.5.0.7! I think i can probably just jailbreak it and run both systems, even if it voids my warranty.” Steve handed him the pen.

When he came out Bob was giving the car a final chamois down, and was pausing, rivulets of sweat drizzling down his chest, to pull out and light a cigarette.

Mylie and Billy Ray - achin for it

“Someone lookin for Miley?”

The owner of that instantly recognizable Nashville drawl grabbed the cigarette out of bobs fingers, took a puff and then returned it to bob, as if it had never left his mouth.

We instantly recognised Billy Ray’s surly drawl, hacking cough awkward limp and bulging Calvin Kleins, which on this day protruded as if he were hiding a couple of souvenir tennis balls from the last Williams Sisters final.

“Looks like you guys got a bunch of achey breaky hearts!” he sneered, spitting a drawlful of tobacco onto the carpet – at this point, 5 seconds or so of of canned laughter/applause came thru the P.A. in the dressing room.

“Hell that always happens when i mention the Achey Breaky [he paused to wait for the applause to die down] – i had it written into my contract when i was young and foolish and now i can’t seem to get it unwritten…. the dangdest thing. almost having some kind o pact with the devil himself.”

Stu and Miley, AKA 'Smiley'

“Anyway” he scoffed, snapping himself out of his thoughts back to his cockier past, before Miley, before Hannah, “You boys looking for Miley or Hannah? cos I can tell you now that Miley’s gonna cost a lot more than Hannah, being a virgin and suchforth – Hannah just your typical skanky ho, but Miley… well she’s somethin else”

“Well we just came to see Miley” chirped Stu.

He may as well have had a roll of “Admit One” tickets and a flashlight the way he ushered us into the seedy underbelly of Nashville, and we were ready to get season reentrys until dragan, the sensible one, pointed out we were leaving Tennessee tomorrow.

Miley Cyrus Night and Day Tour

“Maybe we can do Miley today and Hannah tomorrow” suggested Dragan.

“We gotta be in Fresno, St Paul tomorrow by 1400 EST for frikks sake!” said Stu “-Stat!”.

“Thats Ok, I’m not driving so i can rest all day tomorrow” said Bob.

'Miley' and Dragan

After evaluating all the options, including some tempting Miley/Hannah lookalikes who somewhat repulsively class themselves by age (‘I am good Miley from ages 11-12!‘ – see left‘; ‘you will find i am replicating well the Hannah Montana from Series 3! You will not be disappointed if you  have learnt all the catchphrases and characters!’,'i will give good hannah to meet your budget, ma’am!”;”I am the cheapest hannah around! I have all my certificates!”), and after some heated debate, we decided to do the Miley Cyrus Night and Day Tour.

Well… What a day and Oh, what a nite that was!

Miley Cyrus , Axemen ham it up on the red carpet

The Red Carpet Walk (Miley seemed to prefer calling it a ‘ride’) was the first real insight into Miley’s world. Among the glitz and glamour of the A-list celebrities rolling up to collect their awards, drink their fill, and try to eke a meal out of the tiny portions of food provided (Madonna: “Hey Lady! I think you gave me Kate Moss’s portion! I think even she would be lickin her lips and rollin up for seconds!)

We got our meal – Don’t think it did our cause any harm having Meatloaf and Buster Bloodvessel at our table

[Mysterex] – Heavenly Bodies

Posted in Uncategorized by steve mccabe on April 27, 2010

Heavenly Bodies

Reprinted from http://mysterex.blogspot.com/2008/08/heavenly-bodies.html

It’s Kiwi rock myth now how Chris Knox pulled Cadbury’s Chocolate factory mate, Mick Dawson, a star gazing long haired English ex-pat, into his seminal Dunedin punk outfit, The Enemy, to play bass. A group in which Dawson never quite fitted. Picture by Chris Knox.
Dawson could write a great song. He’d done so in The Enemy – I Don’t Mind, Silly Girl, 15, Swimming Pool, and Cold Meat – songs he took with him on his departure in November 1978 to The Heavenly Bodies, his part-time Dunedin 1960s covers group formed with fellow former folkie Kim Barron, London SS guitarist Myles White, and drummer Neil Dobier.

The Heavenly Bodies had played The Enemy’s farewell party in October 1978 at the Coronation Hall as the BOFs reportedly “destroying The Enemy” before Dawson departed for Auckland.

That’s not how Dunedin rock writer Roy Colbert remembers it. “They didn’t blow The Enemy off the stage at Coronation Hall, Maori Hill, that was part of a Kay/Tannock vendetta against Chris Knox. The Bodies were fun, but didn’t even finish some of their songs. The Enemy blew everybody off the stage in those days, including bands who weren’t even in the country.

“Heavenly Bodies I never really cared for tho Mick is a good mate. They always seemed to argue all the time and backstab each other when they came to me in the store. They never AGREED on stuff. Once I remember them deciding to cover a Stones song – they did mainly covers – and the Mick side of the band wanted to do 1960s Stones and the younger side wanted to do late 1970s Stones so they finished choosing a Stones song from in between both preferred eras – I think it was Brown Sugar. That kinda summed them up for me.”

Mick’s new mob couldn’t work the Cook, Dunedin’s biggest venue, at first, because of The Enemy connection playing instead at the Prince of Wales. They picked up a following quickly in the southern city for their hot set of Enemy songs, new originals, and British rock classics, and won rave reviews in Rip It Up from home town boosters George Kay and DJ Keith Tannock. “Heavenly Bodies with old Enemy Mick Dawson in the driver’s seat recently gave an impressive performance of sixties standards, originals, and old Enemy songs. They do Enemy better than The Enemy. This band deserves to be top billed at any pub,” they gushed.

Heavenly Bodies were in Christchurch in May 1979 playing the Dux De Lux before stepping out with the rest of the new Dunedin crop at the Beneficiaries Hall. In August they entered 4ZB’s studio to record tracks for a three song maxi-single. Tracks were 15, which The Enemy had played, and All Those Years, both Dawson originals.

The next month they announced they were looking for keyboard player. Bevan Hudson filled the gap with guitar in late 1979. When Dawson’s old mates The Enemy came to town as Toy Love for a week at the Captain Cook they played a showcase at the Town Hall Concert Chamber with The Same, Bored Games, Heavenly Bodies, and Christchurch’s Androidss.

Heavenly Bodies were back in the studio soon after to capture Jealousy, Sophisticated, By The Sea and Inside Out.

There were mini-tours to Queenstown, Timaru and the Gladstone and Hillsborough in Christchurch. They placed third in the 4X0 Battle of the Bands in January 1980 after a popular performance, and blew The Boomtown Rats off the stage in the Town Hall in May 1980. The same month playing Christchurch’s Gladstone. An indifferent B52s support followed.

Amidst onstage violence, Heavenly Bodies, split in September 1980 with Mick leaving for Sydney, Australia. Their video of Back Home still scheduled for Radio With Pictures play. Another track from the same session, You’re So Foolish, a fine Dawson stutter rocker, was a standout song on the But We Can Write Songs Okay Dunedin rock n roll anthology released in 1996.

Mick was back in Dunedin in April 1981 replacing Selwyn Findley in Broken Models, who released two Mick Dawson songs also played by Heavenly Bodies – By The Sea and Inside Out on the Custard Records label (their own).

At their best they were a group who “provided a bridge between the ageless chestnuts of the 1960s with the vital contemporary energy of the time,” fan George Kay wrote. You’re So Foolish is ample evidence of that.

When this story was written Kim Barron was the manager of Liquorland in Gore. Myles White was an accountant at Glendermid House, Dunedin. Neil Dobier was also still in Dunedin. Mick Dawson lived in Petersham, Sydney. He never answered my letters preferring to maintain a Phil-Judd like silence. Peace Mick.

Heavenly Bodies – known recordings
15, All Those Years – 4ZB Studio, Dunedin – August 1979

Jealousy, Sophisticated, All Those Years, By The Sea, Inside Out, You’re So Foolish, Back Home – November 1979

Video

Heavenly Bodies – Back Home – 1980

Dates (Heavenly Bodies play all shows): May ’79 – Dux de Lux. June ’79 – Mosgiel. Here Come the Weekend Punks – The Clean. Bored Games. Beneficiaries Hall. Dunedin. September ’79 – Dux de Lux. 7. 8. October ’79 – Captain Cook. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. November ’79 – Hillsborough. 7. Lion Tavern. 15. 16. 17. Captain Cook. 21. 22. 23. 24. January ’80 – Captain Cook. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. Battle of The Bands. Town Hall. 29. Downtown Tavern. 30. 31. February ’80 – Downtown Tavern. 1. 2. March ’80 – Lion Tavern. 1. Captain Cook. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Lion Tavern. 7. 8. Captain Cook. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. Hatchcover. 28. 29. 30. April ’80 – Gladstone. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Captain Cook. 19. May ’80 – Gladstone. The Boomtown Rats. June ’80 – Law Courts. 6. 7. The Clean. Captain Cook. 11. 12. 13. 14. The Clean. Law Courts. Dunedin. 21. July ’80 – Shoreline. 2. 3. 4. Captain Cook. 18. 19. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. B52s. August ’80 – Toy Love. Bored Games. The Same. Concert Chambers. Dunedin. 24. September ’80 – Captain Cook. 10. 11. 12. 13.

The Top Twelve US Tour Crimes – the gospel according to St Eve

Posted in Apocalypse, Post-Tour Analysis by steve mccabe on April 17, 2010

Axemen Dirty Laundry Liquid - makes the laundry even dirtier!

As, sadly, Stu and Bob aren’t talking to me and there are obviously some communication issues and I suspect they somehow feel wronged, I thought I would get the ball rolling and air the grievances I have about what was otherwise a fantastic and unforgettable US Tour, my lifelong dream and something which I would do again in an instant.

I would love to get any comments from other touring bands and perhaps even Stu and Bob themselves.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time and I feel my life is actually now complete and I don’t feel I need to prove myself to anyone ever again; I am grateful for that and appreciate all that everyone put into it – it does irk me however that the person citing (correctly) that communication is the key to us getting on in future is ignoring his own advice.

Anyway, for the benefit of anyone else who ends up in this situation, these are my Top 12 Grievances (in no particular order)

Steves Top 12 US Tour Crimes

  1. [bb] carrying illicit drugs in the touring vehicle without informing drivers. This could result in drug convictions and deportation for the perpetrator, but also could implicate the driver for smuggling across state borders, a federal offence. Take your own risks, but don’t drag everyone else down with you.
  2. [sk] demanding payment for gig in Santa Cruz he didn’t play at because of illness when he knew it was coming out of my pocket.
  3. [ds] saying stu was a shit drummer. not good for confidence and cohesion at a time when he was down
  4. [sm] drinking and ‘wrecking’ a couple of gigs (isn’t that considered ‘normal’ axemen behaviour? in the old days sober gigs were in the minority…)
  5. [bb] partying and smoking so much hooch and cigarettes bb was hoarse and unable to sing for 2 or 3 gigs on the east coast (again, ‘normal’…?)
  6. [sk] whinging in the tour van about temperature, music, health, etc. – grating after a few days.
  7. [ds] sleeping at merch table
  8. [sm] getting shitty at bob for trying to get his rocks off with some girl in Austen and saying that if he went off I wouldn’t come and pick him up ([sk] would no doubt have agreed to do this despite us both knowing bb’s longterm girlfriend – “they might have an arrangement…”) if he went off with her.
  9. [sm] calling bb’s longterm girlfriend in NZ (just back from taking his kids to his dads funeral in dunedin) to ask if they had an arrangement (nope, although bb had mentioned a couple of days before leaving that he might sleep with other people) and to ask what she wanted me to do (“don’t give him any more money, i’ve already given him $2000″) then refusing to pick him up in the morning after i told him i wouldn’t the nite before.
  10. [bb] wandering off and losing cellphone so was not contactable in large cities where there were tight deadlines so we had to wait around and/or go find him.
  11. [sk] trying to hide the fact that bb passed out in NY from not controlling his diabetes due to being so out of it he forgot to take insulin
  12. [sk] taking credit for arranging tour and paying for rental car – thats fine if you’re trying to impress the ladies, but not trying to lord it over other bandmembers

hope this is useful, my therapist said it would be helpful to me to itemise my grievances – i can feel the good already! thanks guys! love ya!

Punt of ‘Derry Castle’ survivors

Posted in 2010 happenings, lyrics by steve mccabe on April 4, 2010

This is one of the inspiring images which are echoed in Steve’s 2010 song ‘Punt of Derry Castle Survivors’ aka ‘Get me off this Ship of Fools’…

Punt of Derry Castle Survivors

Main Auckland Island to the Firth of Thames
Get me off this ship of fools!
The ferry’s legendary its a primary focus
The more you take on the more you got to lose

Get in the punt of Derry Castle survivors
I am alive. I will survive, believe me!
Get off the grass you bunch of part-timers
Breath in the Word, then bleed for me or bleed me!

I think he wants to focus now!
Wish he’d take the photo first
its a photo finish, just ask Matt
and all the survivors behind him

Irons in the fire , a burning desire
still haven’t found what i’m looking for
satanic verses in unreadable languages
aren’t really verses at all!

Get in the punt of Derry Castle Survivors
Their names be unfamiliar, but your grandchildren knows it
Livin for the city is workin for the man
i just wanna live for the working class man

The song, its wrong, sorry to waste your time
tumbling fumbling mixture of words
Kilkenny seperatists citing the punt
everybody has to take a punt!

Anyone who had a heart wouldn’t want to break one
Could it be you haven’t got a heart
Grab a martial arts leaflet, please do take one
Sufferin’ for our our art

Back-Story
kindly reprinted from http://www.teara.govt.nz/en/castaways/2/3

Punt Survivors, The Avon River, Christchurch
Punt Survivors, The Avon River, Christchurch

Pic: Here a punt is being removed from the Rose Island boatshed in 1973 for safe keeping in a weatherproof museum at Erebus Cove. The survivors of the Derry Castle built themselves this wooden punt to sail from Enderby Island, where their ship was wrecked, to the provision depot on the main Auckland Island.

Kings and serfs alighted, they flitted from island to island.

Being boat-based, these beatnik boatniks assumed the asinine affinity incorporation as expected of a corporate cultural construct, with a hierarchy that has signoff requirements and some bureaucracy to deal with should it become fashionable , common sense or as a last resort go to back to the traditional skills.

kia kaha kapai ai

Steve,  S.M.A.

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